Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
