Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
