talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
