conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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