At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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