Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
