I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
