Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
