so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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