she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
