I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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