What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
