God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
