I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
