In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
