I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
