So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
