I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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