talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
