I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
