if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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