No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
