No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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