There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
