Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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