maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
