I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
