i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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