when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
