we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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