FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
