So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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