So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
