i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
