that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
