put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
