Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
