why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
