ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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