drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
