she looked like the before picture.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
