I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
