Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so much tequila, so little girl.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
