If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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