Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
