Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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