Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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