Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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