Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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