Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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