Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
