I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
