laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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