So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
