I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
